Viral Laryngitis

Viral laryngitis.  That's apparently what I have.  Know what that means?  I'm hoarse.  That's the technical terminology for hoarseness.  I only went to a doctor because I've been having trouble with my singing voice for about 2 months and started having trouble with my speaking voice this past week.  Because apparently one vocal chord is swollen and the other one is trying to compensate and when I try to sing, they don't work properly because one's swollen.  I'm glad it's not serious.  I really am.  It could have been something that needed surgery or even a biopsy.  It's nothing that serious.  But it was really unpleasant to have my nose and throat numbed and a probe pushed through my sinuses to look at the back of my throat just to be told what I already knew.  I'm hoarse.

So for the next three weeks, I can't sing, can't whisper, shouldn't talk more than absolutely necessary and when I do talk, should talk as low as I can.  I have to drink more water than what I apparently already drink (which is about 2250 mL a day) and humidify everything.  It's all doable.  It all could be soooo much worse.  I know that what irks me the most is that I can't sing.  And being an extrovert, not being able to talk is a bit annoying as well.

As I was driving to my appointment today, though, I realized I'd be completely screwed in terms of keeping up with friends and family, interacting with people, if it weren't for modern technology.  Email, Facebook, Skype chatting, texting, blogging, and word processors allow me to still carry on conversations and participate in class.  That's saving my sanity at the moment.  My singing voice may sound horrendous but my metaphorical voice isn't gone.  So that's something.

It's also odd to be physically voiceless during Holy Week.  There is a lot of singing and collective praying and responsive readings that have been going on this week that I haven't been able to actively participate in.  Sometimes it's too much and I lose it and sob.  Sometimes it's like being an observer.  I've yet to find it enjoyable, but it has made this week interesting.  I assume the Easter experiences yet to come will be even more powerful.

What about Barabas?

I had a thought today after seeing a storyteller recount the Passion narrative from the gospel of Mark: I wonder what thoughts went through Barabas' mind when he was released.  I imagine they might have read something like this:

• Thank God!
• Wow, I wonder what that guy did that was so bad?
• Trading one rabble rouser for another...
• What do I do now?

Then when he realized (because I assume he found out) who took his place, I wonder what thoughts went through his mind.  I would guess it might have been one of the following:

• Wow, they really did trade one revolutionary for another.
• Woah, he was way less of a threat than I was.
• I don't care as long as it's not me.

But what I presume set in at some point (I don't think it's too modernist of me to believe this) is that eventually survivor's guilt set in.  Someone would have a hard time convincing me that Barabas never felt a twinge of guilt for getting released instead of Jesus.

I'm still working on understanding why this is so striking to me.  It might be in part because in retrospect, knowing how Jesus became the Christ after the resurrection, if there were a way for him to not have died, I somewhat would prefer that gospel.  However, these people lived at the time of Jesus.  Not at the time of the Christ and the Jesus movement of Paul, Peter, and the other apostles working after the crucifixion.  It makes sense that Barabas would not question his release or who took his place or initially feel bad for how those events transpired.

And now back to studying the undisputed letters of Paul...

Early morning ramblings...

So I'm not posting about my thoughts about God and religion and what it all means for me in this world.  Sort of.  Rather this is a post to praise the value of pure relaxation and distancing from work requirements.  I discovered rather quickly after my move to Texas that in grad school, winter, spring, and summer "breaks" were really just a chance for grad students to catch up.  BU so far hasn't been that different.  Where BU has been different though is that the faculty and staff (seem to) understand when people say "no," it's more likely than not because they truly need that time for something else.  So this Spring Break, I said "no" to school work for the first time in years.  Last Spring Break, I worked 12-16 hours a day on my thesis for at least 5 days straight.  I did enjoy me some SXSW shows, but I didn't come back to classes rested and refreshed.  This Spring Break, though, I didn't do any school work for 7 days straight.  Instead, I went to a meadery AND a brewery, watched the entire last season of Weeds, took care of some apartment spring cleaning (albeit not all of it), went to yoga, and threw a St Paddy's Day party.  Oh and slept.  A lot.  So come Saturday, I was okay to go to an event for a class project for 4 hours and today I was okay to spend most of my afternoon reading.  Because it wasn't the same old thing I'd been doing for the past week.  I do have a lot of reading due tomorrow, a quiz on Tuesday, and a paper due Wednesday in addition to all my usual weekly requirements, but things suddenly feel doable. 

And I know I said this wasn't going to be about religion and technically speaking it's not, but it does 100% tie into the emphasis of Sabbath-keeping that many theologians argue for.  And it's also been part of my Lenten journey.  I gave up coffee and caffeinated soda as I had realized I was using them as substitutes for healthy eating and regular exercise.  While I couldn't exercise much until early March (as I had gotten a stress fracture in my foot January), having caffeine out of my diet somewhat forced me to take mini-sabbaths from time to time.  And I think that made me more receptive to truly breaking from my school work this past week.  Whoever said "You can sleep when you're dead" likely wasn't nearly as productive as I've been in the past 48 hours.

Oh... and I've started watching Doctor Who.  Let's see what all this fuss is about.